From midnight Pacific Standard Time on December 4th to 8th, I’ll be running a free promotion for my book Why? Because Science! That means you can go to Amazon and download your electronic copy FOR FREE. Click on the following link if you wanna get you some:
Whoever said the best things in life are free was onto something. But whereas love costs you your sanity, this book is completely free; no ifs or buts, no terms or conditions, and no catch. Just download it, read it, and if you find yourself laughing, learning something, and falling in love with science just a little bit more then leave a review; maybe share the link to your Facebook page and convince your friends to do the same.
The aim of the promotion is to spread the word about Why? Because Science! and to show Amazon that this book deserves a spot near the top of its best-sellers list for books in the science category. With that kind of exposure I can fund my ambitions to take over the world, mooohahahahaha! Failing that, I can pay my Internet bill.
So, go forth and get your very own FREE copy of Why? Because Science! (the promotion will be running from today to Friday 8th December).And if you enjoy it, please let me (and the world) know all about it!
It’s been many moons – hundreds, in fact – since last I posted on this blog site. Many of you have rightly asked if I’m still alive. The good news is that I am indeed still alive. Why then the resounding year-and-a-half-long silence? I have a great excuse, I promise:
I have been writing the official Why? Because Science book! Here’s a sneak peak at the provisional cover… In just over two weeks’ time – on the 1st December 2017 – I will be launching it on Amazon. To begin with, the book will be in kindle/electronic format only. Once I have raised the necessary funds, I’ll be able to launch a print-to-order enterprise, which means hard copies! It’s a step-by-step process that’s utterly terrifying and satisfying at the same time. Very much like nipple clamps.
Keep an eye on this space and thank you so much for your loyalty over the years!
It can be said without a doubt that bringing a bird with you on your safari makes it way more awesome. Especially if said bird looks tight in a bikini. You can share in the joy of spotting that elusive leopard, watching cheetah chase ill-fated gazelle across the savannah and being stranded in a herd of elephant; desperately hoping that amorous-looking bull doesn’t take a fancy to your Jeep. But I’m not talking about THAT kind of bird. Birds, the feathered variety, are awesome. And the next time you drive home from Magaliesberg feeling short-changed because you didn’t see any lions AGAIN, perhaps you’d better start thinking about becoming a twitcher.
Bird-watching: A Definition
I’ve harboured a deep interest in birds since I can remember. Some people are addicted to nicotine, amphetamines or Robert Pattinson. I love bird watching. I really do. And I’m pretty sure that, psychologically, it has something to do with a love of collecting meaningful things. Every time my family would go for a weekend, week’s or month’s vacation somewhere in southern Africa, I would make and keep a list of the different species of birds we identified during the course of that holiday.
You experienced a shudder of awe and excitement when you saw a lion on your African adventure. I experienced a shudder of awe and excitement when I saw a Violet-eared Waxbill at the Karoo National Park. Partly because, against the drab semi-arid landscape, it is one of the most beautifully coloured creatures you could ever imagine; something straight out of Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. And partly because this particular species of waxbill didn’t appear on the Karoo National Park’s bird list, meaning that we were the first to report seeing it there. Essentially, we made history.
I See Your Lion and Raise You a Bataleur Eagle
I experienced another shudder of awe and excitement when I saw a Drakensberg Prinia in Pilgrim’s Rest; a Pallid Harrier at the Blyde River Canyon; a Collared Sunbird at the Nelspruit Botanical Gardens; a Striped Cuckoo at the Pilansberg Nature Reserve outside Rustenberg and again when I saw a flock of Southern Bald Ibises in the Drakensberg. None of these are particularly striking birds – except perhaps the Bald Ibis, whose head resembles an unmentionable male body part. But they were all new! I had never seen them before! It’s like discovering the Mufasa marble in your Engen Garage lucky packet back in the day when the Lion King and marbles were all the rage.
For the record, the Lion King was, is and always will be awesome.
Identifying a brand new bird and ticking it off in your book may sound completely nerdy, inane and lame. But it actually makes you feel amazing; like you’ve accomplished something. It’s a tiny intellectual victory and one of those ingredients that makes life rich and exciting.
I saw a brand new species of bird!
You saw a lion.
I saw a Crowned Eagle!
You saw another lion.
I saw a Giant Eagle Owl!
You saw (oh wow!) another lion.
I saw a Carmine Bee-eater.
You saw (surprise) a lion!
For every one species of awesome animal you see on safari. I see 10, maybe 20 different species of birds. This is no war, my friends. No competition. The point I’m trying to make here is that if you can culture and develop an appreciation and then a love of identifying birds, you can get so much more out of any holiday, any getaway and any safari experience. You’ll also totally impress your chick who, through your appreciation of soft feathered creatures, will see your softer and more vulnerable side.
And then you’ll get to show her your softer and more vulnerable body parts.
Kgalagadi Case Study, August to September 2009
Many years ago, I went on a 10-day vacation to the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park, which straddles the three borders of Namibia, Botswana and the Northern Cape. The bird list I had kept for that holiday totalled 106 different species. The animal list I made totalled 12. Actually, it was more like 11. Animal #12, which we thought was a leopard prowling around the camp at night, turned out to be nothing more than my mother’s snoring. Or so we suspected after three consecutive nights of rhythmic zzzggghhhnnnnngggg, zzzggghhhnnnnngggg, zzzggghhhnnnnngggg-ing, which is actually quite similar to a leopard’s cough-like grunting.
We saw ONE lion that entire holiday. And it was a female so pregnant with zebra meat that she had hitched a leg up onto the bole of the acacia tree she was food coma-ing under in order to make more space for her distended gut. She didn’t so much as bat an eyelid at the rocks we were throwing at her to get her to move.
I am, of course, just kidding.
On that same trip, we spotted a beautiful Giant Eagle Owl in her nest in broad daylight; identified the tiny Pygmy Falcon killing machine; heard the haunting yelps of Pearl-Spotted Owls at night and kept the campsite company of the flamboyantly coloured Burchell’s starling.
Class Dismissed: The Take-Home Message
I have always kept bird lists for the various holidays our family has been on. I also keep a list of animals on the occasions we go to wildlife reserves. Every single time, my list of different bird species, which has often stretched into the hundreds, dwarfs the list of different animal species. Nothing can be more exciting than actually spotting a leopard in a tree, seeing cheetah in action or watching a hippo emerge from the water (or doing that funny tail-thing when they poop.) But to go on safari and never notice the activity constantly going on around you, in the bushes, in the trees, on the ground, in the sky… well you are cheating yourself out of 90% of the fees you paid at the park entrance.
Open your eyes friends.
And whatever you do. Never, ever sit under a hornbill perched in a tree. They have impeccable aim.
Some people work hard, train hard, educate themselves and push themselves to the very limit to gain some kind of notoriety in life (and the money it tends comes hand-in-hand with). This video is proof that, in addition to being inherently gifted, there are other ways to become famous… be exceptionally stupid. Eating metal screws makes you an idiot. Just because you survive your diet of cars, wheelchairs and bad life choices doesn’t make you special.
Having said that, there are some incredible cases of human superpowers in this video, such as the “human calculator” and the man who learned conversational Icelandic in just one week. My only superpower is being able to make my one eye squint – actually I have two if you count the other one, but that’s far too lascivious to mention here – and so my concluding question to you is: what’s your superpower?
Video Source: “15 Real Life Human Superpowers” Uploaded by Planet Dolan to YouTube channel www.youtube.com/watch?v=dM3_s0rKBVc